How I want to talk about movies
I love movies but I almost never have a good time talking about them. For one, I hate how everyone thinks that their opinions are so important. It’s taken for granted that art is subjective and everyone understands that when she watches a movie with her friend, they will notice, appreciate, and dislike aspects of the film in their own particular ways. However, it seems to me that when they finish the movie and discuss what they saw, they will inevitably offend each other by revealing this simple truth. I have friends who got agitated when they found out I liked a movie they disliked. I’ve also had friends get angry when I disliked a movie they love. A couple months ago, a close friend unfollowed me on Letterboxd because he thought I was deliberately giving his favorite films low ratings to upset him.
I also hate when people talk about movies in more objective ways—that is, when they talk about aspects of the movie that we all have equal access to, like themes or symbolism. That’s simply not how I watch movies. I’m not sure how to describe this in a non-corny way but I prefer to be immersed in a movie and see what it shows in a first-person way. The detached literary way of watching a movie alienates me from experiencing what’s going on in the film, so when the conversation veers into this analytical territory, I tend to not have much to contribute and I also care very little about what’s said.
In my ideal world, movie conversations would be very personal and more about our experience watching films than about the films themselves. It would be so great to hear about relatable or revelatory moments in movies and to share my own transcendental film experiences. To me, it’s the experience of watching a movie that matters.
What would it take for this to be possible? A good start would be recognizing two lenses that regulate how we perceive movies: personal preference and expectations. Obviously personal preference will affect how we react to what we see but it’s also worth keeping an open mind when we expect a movie to be one way and it ends up as something else. Awareness of these perceptual factors reshapes the way we judge movies from evaluating goodness/badness to simple appreciation of what a movie does to us.
One of the few great movie conversations I’ve had was talking about The Banshees of Inisherin with my good friend Themba. We almost exclusively talked about the ways it shows heartbreak and the nature of friendship and how people just are the way they are and there’s nothing to do about it. It was a conversation that was so meaningful because it wasn’t just about the movie but about these facts about life that became clear and well-defined for us when we watched the movie. I really hope to have the chance to have a conversation like this again someday.
